Bad Ronald (1974)
Would you ever think a 1970’s TV movie could be amazing? Well that is the case with “Bad Ronald” which was originally broadcast in 1974 by ABC.
Now I’ve met awkward people, but Ronald (played by Scott Jacoby) takes the cake. I’m not sure, my friend Bill is probably the most awkward person I’ve ever met, and I am pretty sure Ronald and Bill would be best friends. I don’t think Bill would kill a little girl and bury her in a shallow grave.
Actually, he may do something like that, come to think of it. But who wouldn’t kill a little annoying brat who talks shit about your mom. Fuck her. She deserved to die. Bill, kill the cunt.
So anyway, the movie starts off with the protagonist, Ronald (one of those situations where our protagonist is also the antagonist) talking to his mother. Ronald is a geeky looking kid, almost looks like a young Howard Stern when he was 15 or 16. You can tell something is seriously wrong with Ronald’s mother, as she holds her side and Ronald runs to the shelf to grab her medicine. The diagnosis is unknown. Ronald is a senior in high school, and it is his birthday. Ronald’s parents were divorced ten years to the day of his birthday, which i would assume he turns 17 or 18.
Ronald is obsessed with this girl Laurie Matthews, and his mom gets mad “You shouldn’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t care!”. Bitchhhhhh. Well anyway Ronald goes to Laurie’s house, and she is having a pool party. Ronald’s social ineptness is perfect when Laurie asks what he is doing at her house. The way he says “Well I was just wandering around and thought I’d come by and see what you’re doing” is so perfect and makes me crack up with laughter every time. Scott Jacoby was perfect for this role. The people at the pool party taunt him, and he proceeds to leave.
Laurie’s little sister is riding on her bike and Ronald runs into her, knocking her over. The two proceed to have an argument, and her sister calls him weird. She also calls his mother weird, and that’s where you can see his eyes fill with rage. The argument builds, and Laurie’s sister slaps him. Ronald proceeds to push her over, and she busts her head wide open on a cement block.
That bitch is dead!
Ronald runs home and his jacket is covered with dirt, and his mom wonders what is going on. He tells her that he killed Laurie’s sister, Carol Matthews. He says it was an accident, and he also says that he buried her in a shallow grave. His mom freaks, but what mom wouldn’t. My mom would be like, “Well she got what was coming for her, you shoulda smaked her head on the block a few more times just to make sure the bitch was dead”. But that’s my mom.
The two ponder of ideas of what to do, and they come up with the most ingenious plot. That is, to hide him in the pantry of the house, and cover the door so no one would find him.
The next day, police come into the house and look around the house for him, to no avail. His mom tells him that she has to go the hospital. Days and days go by, and she doesn’t return from the hospital. She died unexpectedly, and during this time, Ronald created a fantasy world for himself — called “Atranta”. Ronald is slipping away into a state of psychosis and delirium, which will not be solved in a pretty manner.
A real estate agent brings people to the house and gives them a tour, while Ronald watches through little peep holes he created all around the house. The house is sold to a family, while Ronald is still hidden away. He is getting creepier by each scene, and while the family is gone for the day, Ronald decides to go sneak around the house to get some food to eat.
His nosy neighbor spots him, and in shock, she falls down the stairs and dies. Ronald decided to hide her body in the crawl space of the house.
The next day, the parents of the house decide to go out and leave their kids behind at the house. Ronald is slipping further and further into his state of psychosis and his fantasy world, and seeks his ‘princess’, for he is the ‘king’ of his fantasy. He decides to pick the younger sister of the family ‘Babs’, as the princess. He confronts her when she is alone and she tries to run away but Ronald captures her, and locks her in the basement.
Ronald writes a note pretending she is Babs and it says that she ran away. Babs older sister Ellen discovers the note and calls the police. They come and seach for clues, but later that evening, the sisters start hearing things. Ronald captured Ellen’s boyfriend and has him tied up in his hide-out. He makes enough noise so that Babs’s two older sister hears something, and they see a light coming from a small hole in the wall.
They discover someone is looking through the hole at them, and they scream. Ronald busts right through the wall with no hesitation. He runs outside of the house, and the police quickly come and arrest him.
All in all, this movie is excellent. For a tv movie, it is outstanding. The film really hits the spot in how strange it is, but has a decent enough script to keep you thoroughly entertained throughout. This is a must-see for all fans of B-movies and just strange, obscure films altogether. You WON’T be disappointed. Unfortunately, this is hard to find on DVD. You can find it on bootlegs at horror conventions, but you can buy it straight from WB Archives here
Review by DAWSON’S FREAK
The Crazies – Review
Directed By Breck Eisner
Okay, another movie that looks like a zombie movie butt isn’t about zombies? A rip-off of 28 Days later? Only to the jack tards who aren’t familiar with the classics. The Crazies is a remake of the 1973 bio-chemical horror flick by the gigantic and great George Romero. A little town gets some man-made military chemicals in its water supply. People who get contaminated and go, wait for it… CRAZY. See the genius of the title? Fucking incredible. Anyway, I am a fan of the original flick. Cool plot, some cool action, some cool outfits (The Military, I’m a sucker for a man in uniform). Its not Romero’s best non-living dead flick, that would be Martin, or Creepshow. No Martin, its my review so I pick.
Directed by George Romero
On to the new flick. Was it good. Well yes in fact, it was. It did what all remakes should do, take the original concept and tone of the original, and put a new take on it. The movie, for me anyway, had the same tone and atmosphere as the original. I’m always right when it comes to this shit so the remake nailed the feel. It had that “no hope – ever impending doom” feeling that Romero’s movie had. My favorite thing about the movie was the military aspect. Areas being quarantined and taken control of by the government freak me out. Especially when all the civilians are left in the dark about what is going on. The action was tight and never really let up. The flick was never overly violent and bloody. Which worked for this one. A lot of the movie was just tense scene after tense scene. The suspense was there, and the characters were likable so you can feel for their situation. Now likable doesn’t mean they were deep. They were most def (hip lingo) one dimensional lol. I was in luck with this movie also as it happens to star my main man crush. Timothy Olyphant. I’ll see any movie with him. Don’t know what it is about him (yes I do, he kicked major ass on Deadwood) but I love him.
I'm not saying i'd do him, but I would definitely turn red around him...
He was pretty kick ass as he town sheriff. He was especially good at killing fuckers with a knife sticking though his hand. Wasn’t I saying something about tension? Oh yea, there is one pretty good sequence in a car wash. The main group of people is hiding from a military helicopter in it. So if they go out side, they get shot. Inside the car wash, are a few infected people. This scene was definitely a highlight of the movie. It was filled with energy, suspense, and some blood. It also had an explosive finish. Another thing I really liked was the ending. Which I won’t ruin. Not that its anything special, but they took it where I was hoping they would. One thing I should also mention is that the crazy people in this, aren’t screaming, raving maniacs like in 28 Days Later or REC. They can talk, and movie slowly, and they seem to be able to think. They are just a little misguided. Like, burn your house down and kill you wife and son misguided. But who are we to judge how the infected live there life?
Should you see it? Yea, you should. Its a fresh new movie in the “Infected, not zombies” sub-genre. Its a quick acting, tense, bloody, sometimes claustrophobic ride. So go in knowing what you’re going to see and you won’t be disappointed. Or you might, fuck you.
7/10
Reviewed By Nick M.
Black Dynamite review (special guest review by Fecal Spill)
Black Dynamite. Fucking……Black Dynamite. This film is above any kind of words that can be put down on paper, but since I am such a better writer than both of the Nick’s I have the best shot of conveying to you how amazing this film was.
To start let us discuss the main character of the movie. Black Dynamite is a character that I can easily relate to, considering we both only good at two things – Kicking ass and having sex (I am also good at writing I don’t think I mentioned that yet). Black Dynamite is the stereotypical “bad ass mother-shut yo’ mouth” character that anyone that has ever watched a Blaxploitation film has come to know and love. He is a poet, a soldier, and a lover all rolled into one tight, delicious chocolate body.
The plot of the film starts off as a typical black community getting shit on by “The Man”, but after an amazing, roughly 25 second sequence where Black Dynamite basically resolves every one of the films problems, the black community’s problem escalates into one of a much greater and more sinister scale. Black Dynamite and his revolutionaries have to put their ass kicking skills aside for a moment and band together to use their incredible deductive skills to figure out their next step. Adding detective skills to Black Dynamite’s character definitely puts him above and beyond the Blaxploitation characters of old, and introduces us to the new breed of Blaxploitation stars.
The film’s overall cinematography, plus the fact that we watched it on my old projector in my basement gives a 100% authentic Grindhouse experience, and you actually feel like you are in a dirty old movie theatre in the 70’s, and there is actually a dirty old man with just a trench coat on who is touching himself every time a girl is topless (quite often in this film) a few rows back from you. With films like this, and the internet series “Italian Spiderman”, one could pretend that we as a culture never moved on from that glorious decade. A sweet, sweet thought, that could be turned into a reality if only more films were made like this one.
Lastly I have to touch on the film’s score, which is probably the most stand out feature of the film. Adrian Younge creates a totally original score that perfectly fits the tone of the movie and completes the vintage feel. In the moments of awkward silence between characters’ dialogue (half the movie), Younge’s music awkwardly busts in like Kramer entering Jerry’s apartment and gives you a 70’s boner. Several of the songs get straight to the point and just blatantly restate what is going on in the movie with its lyrics. The music is just as revolutionary as the Black Dynamite and his crew fighting “The Man”.
Overall, this is the best homage/spoof movie I have ever seen. Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino really made headway for people to make movies like this with their Grindhouse film, but while their movie was hit and miss, this movie was 99% perfect. What is that 1% that is wrong with the film you ask? Well frankly there was just too many niggers in it for my taste, but that’s just me.
Jennifer’s Body Review
Jennifer’s Body. I was excited about this one when I first heard the news. Diablo Cody writing a horror movie? I wasn’t a big fan of Juno, but I still know it was a good movie. Plus, the little references in that flick to Dario Argento and H.G. Lewis. Cody knows her shit when it comes to horror. So I had every reason to be excited.
Flash forward to seeing the first trailer. Ehhh… Didn’t look that great. Whatever, I decide going to see Megan Fox eat some dudes should be entertaining enough. And Amanda Sayfried is one of the most beautiful actresses to grace the screen.
The review. Jennifer’s Body is overall a very entertaining horror movie. It is by no means a great movie, just mindless fun. Megan Fox defnitley got annoying after five minutes but i’m sure that was what they were going for. Amanda Seyfried was good as the meek counter part to the bitchy Jennifer. Of course she was good though. Adam Brody, and the rest of the guys playing the satan-worshipping rock band Low Shoulder stole the show though. They were only in a couple scenes, but one particular sacrifice scene was absolutley hilarious. The plot was ok, nothing outstanding, but served as a vehicle for a fun popcorn movie. My biggest complaint was the lack of gore. Everytime someone got killed, it was off screen. We get to see the aftermath a couple times which was cool. I’m not asking for an overload of blood, but when I go to see a movie about a hot chick that eats dudes, id like to see some meat.
One thing I would like to praise is some of the angles that were chosen for this movie. There are a few shots that stand out because they are so epic feeling in scope. One in perticular shot of a long street at night with a bunch of abandoned looking houses that are all carbon copies of each other is awesome. I guess I really can’t explain, just see it.
So yea, overall the movie was fun. Nothing ground breaking, not an excellent piece of film making, just fun. It’ll give you a wettie.
6/10
October’s Top 5 DVD Releases
5. Happy Birthday to Me - Anchor Bay’s re-release features the original score and an uncut print of this 1981 slasher.
4.The Gate - This 1987 horror movie that starred Stephen Dorff is being released by Lionsgate — it was released in 2003 by Platinum Disc Corporation, but has OOP for a while now.
3. Night of the Creeps - This 1986 horror film directed by Fred Dekker has been bootlegged and sold at every horror convention I’ve been to – but it will finally be released on DVD on Oct. 27.
2. Stepfather - Why has it taken so long for this to come out? Terry O’Quinn (Lost) plays a psycho stepfather — and that is ’nuff said.
1.Trick ‘r Treat - What was supposed to be released two years ago — will be released this Oct. 6. Why the delay is beyond me – but what I do know is is this – the film that tells four interlocked stories and stars the very cool Dylan Baker(Fido, Spiderman 2-3). It will be released simutaneously on DVD and Blu-Ray.
FML…… Night of the Living Dead 3D CGI Movie??!
Please — esp if you are newcomer to the scene, like Zebediah de Soto (director) — please stick to the ideas in your head — rather than raping someone else’s. Just because NOTLD is in public domain does not mean you can piss all over it with computer generated animation.
I’d rather see George Romero make a Land of the Dead 2.
Original article down below….
http://www.heatvisionblog.com/2009/09/night-of-the-living-dead-remake-3d-cgi-origin-story.html
What the fuck Rob Zombie?
Okay, first of all let me say I am a fan of Rob Zombie. I have been listening to his horror themed rock since 4th grade. I don’t think hes amazing or anything, I just enjoy his jams.
Anyway, I have a bone to pick with him. I am sure any avid horror fan has heard he is now remaking The Blob. What the fuck?
Lets back it up a little. I know I am in the minority with this but I enjoyed House of 1000 Corpses. I realize the flick is far from original, but Bill Mosley kicks too much ass for me too hate it. Rob Zombie has a pretty cool directing style. That is what saved the movie for me. His writing definitley needed working on, but you could see his music video-like (surprise) directing style. Again, I enjoyed this.
Then came The Devil’s Rejects. Which was a fucking awesome movie. Awesome characters, very violent, dark humor, and it felt like a dirty 70s movie. And again you could see his own touch with the way the movie was shot. And again I liked it.
Now we start to see trouble. Halloween. There’s nothing I can really say that hasn’t been said already, but this remake failed. I didn’t completely hate it but I didn’t really enjoy it, and it was far from good. After this Zombie said he wouldn’t be doing a sequel and that his next project would be an original picture called Tyrannosauruses Rex. Interesting. Whats it about? The only snippet of plot we got was that it was a violent throwback to 70s action. Well I am on board. Some art was released as well as the tag line (if I remember correctly) “51% Motherfucker, 49% Son of A Bitch”. Badass, and cheesy as hell, in a good way. I was excited. Sadly, it was then announced he would be doing Halloween 2, even though he said he would not be involved in a sequel. I picture a wheel barrel of money changing his mind. We are now two weeks passed the opening of H2 (which sucked balls, but you can go read a review somewhere else) and its time to listen for announcements for his next project. Tyrannosauruses Rex? Oh please please please.
1988 Chuck Russel version.
NOPE.
Rob Zombie is going to remake the fucking Blob. Which was already remade once (splendidly I might add). This is absolutely unnecessary. Was Halloween necessary? No, but I still supported him because I liked his style. I even went to see Halloween 2 regardless of the shitfest I heard it was, just to help pull in numbers so maybe he would go on to make that T-Rex movie he talked about.
But no.
We are getting The Blob.
What the fuck Rob Zombie?
Nekromantik Review
Jorg Buttgereit’s crazy little movie Nekromantik. Where do you begin with this one? How about the plot. Well, the plot concerns a man who works for a clean up crew that disposes of dead bodies. One day he decides to take a body home for him and his girlfriend to enjoy. What follows is a, dare I say taste full, love scene between the couple and the corpse. After this things begin to go downhill. The girl ends up leaving (with the corpse) and our protagonist gets fired from work. Thats when things start to get weird…
Do you really want to know what shes doing there?
Ok, on to the review. I loved this movie. It is very gory and disgusting while managing to, believe it or not, present the subject matter in a darkly humerous fashion. If you have an off color sense of humor, which if you are intentionally watching a movie called Nekromantik, i’m sure you do, you will enjoy the comedy in this movie. The whole movie has a very strong art house vibe going on. All the music is piano and a bit jazzy which adds a surreal element to the flick. At only 70 minutes in length the plot unfolds smoothly and wastes no time moving forward with the action.
Theres always time for a little bit of sloppy gore...
The film wraps up with possibly one of the most shocking endings put on film. There is disturbing endings and then there is DISTURBING endings. This falls into the latter. Not only is it stomach churning but it is plain old weird. Its a fitting ending to an all around sick little movie. So if you are a fan of off beat movies, you like gore, dark comedy, or just want to see something completely different, don’t miss this one!
Thirty seconds before your jaw drops.
8/10
PSYCHOS in Love
I hate grapes. Sure, I used to like them. After watching this film, I can’t stand them.
I wonder why?
Joe hates grapes too. So does Kate. Joe met Kate. And they both happen to be fucking deranged psychotic killers.
Psychos in Love, directed in 1987 by Gorman Bechard – was off my radar until it was released by Media Blasters on April 28. I wasn’t sure what to expect – would this be a straight slasher movie? An 80’s horror cheesefest?
Whatever it is, it sure is one hell of a hilarious, and delightfully charming horror-comedy (it took hours four me to come up with a genre that fits this movie — still not sure). The script is played out almost as if Woody Allen decided to make a horror film – and believe it or not, it does work. The laughs are prevalent and don’t get tired, while the violence will keep any horror maniac glued to the screen. The acting is fine for a low budget horror flick — both Carmine Capobianco and Debi Thibeault were awesome as Joe and Kate — but even so, they are no “Brangelina”.
I have no complaints about the DVD release. It was released, and thank goodness for that. It has awesome extras – including a “Making of” featurette and two commentary tracks featuring Gorman Bechard and Carmine Capobianco. If nitpicking is necessary, the video quality on the DVD isn’t all that great — but it still seems to fit in strangely with the overall feel of the film.
All in all, I couldn’t recommend this movie enough. If you want to watch a fun little horror film that will bring you lots of laughs — be sure to check this one out.
For more info on Psychos In Love — check out the official website!
Monster Mania Report
Well everyone we are back from this Augusts Monster Mania Con. I had a great time and as you can see Nick on the right was little bitch all weekend.
Anyway, some of the fun going ons. We attended a sweet ass Q&A by John Landis and David Naughton. The director and star of An American Were Wolf In London. Honestly it was one of the best Q&A’s I have seen. John Landis is a hilarious and all around entertaining person.
Friday night we attended a screening of Night of The Creeps which was hosted by the Director Fred Dekker. The film itself was the second time that the new transfer was being screened. There is an official dvd release coming soon and Fred Dekker signed free Limited Edition Inserts for the dvds. Everyone who attended got one.
Saturday hosted the usual midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Presented by the Transylvania Nipple Production. We get to watch a live crew of actors act out the movie in front of the big screen that the flick is playing on.
And of course there was the usual dealers room where Nick D. and I had our own little contest of who could buy more shit. Nick won, beating me by 10 dvds this time. Fright-Rags was there selling there usual huge selection of awesome horror shirts. I got myself a brand spankin’ new Frankenhooker t-shirt from them. Troma was there selling all of there classic flicks. Countless tables of vendors selling all those hard to find and rare movies you may or may not have been searching for. All in all it was another fun convention. Monster Mania is always an all around good time for all the fans to get together, mingle, and meet there idols. See you at the next one!